Maybe Next Time

So, last weekend on Sunday, my wife wanted me to take a drive down to Antelope in Central Oregon. She had a meeting for her job in the small town on Tuesday and not being familiar with the area, an area that is mostly void of civilization, she was a little apprehensive. She wanted me to show her where she would be going so she could find it on her own with no problems.

Well, I wasn’t feeling all that great and a two and half hour trip, one way, didn’t sound too appealing. Besides, there is only one main road down there so I didn’t think she would have any trouble. But then, I grew up around here so what I think is normal appears desolate and inhibiting to her. For those who may not know, Central Oregon looks a lot like Wyoming, and she’s used to Wisconsin where every square mile is populated.

On Tuesday morning, I received a series of texts. The first one said she’d gotten stuck in the mud on the wrong road far from her destination. Of course, phone service is very limited so I couldn’t call her. The next text said someone was supposed to be coming to help her. And eventually, I got one that said one of the officers from her office had rescued her.

Since the place she had traveled to had no phones or cell service, I had to wait until Wednesday night to find out the full story. Apparently, she had turned too soon, on a very muddy dirt road. She drove until she didn’t think the vehicle would make it and then tried to back out but had gotten high centered. And there the vehicle remained.

Thankfully, she didn’t panic. Grabbing a few items from the vehicle, she stuffed them into a small backpack and started walking. And walking. Turns out she walked about fifteen miles total. Eventually, she found a spot with cell service and was able to make a call. Not to me of course, since I had proved rather useless in this regard already!

Being that she works for the Sheriff’s Office, I guess I can understand why she would call them. Besides, a couple of the officers were also attending the meeting so they weren’t that far away. It would have taken me about three hours to get to her.

Several hours later, after a tow truck had hauled the vehicle out of the mud and to another town a few miles away, she made it to the meeting—without her suitcase. It was still in the vehicle. That meant no change of clothes, no amenities or, probably the worst of all, NO DIET COKE!

Now, I’ve only hit on the highlights, or lowlights in this case; the saga was much more drawn out than it seems here. And a little scary for my wife, who, although she was raised in the country, has decided she is now a full-fledged city slicker. Finally, Wednesday night, she made it home safe and sound. Needless to say, she wasn’t real happy with me.

Yes, I have apologized but that doesn’t really help much now. And I doubt she will be letting me forget this any time soon, if ever. So, next time my wife wants to take a drive, I think I will, um, I don’t know, take a drive? ~

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook and paperback on iTunes, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and Smashwords.  Amazon Profile - www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS. Bruce A. Borders is a proud member of Rave Reviews Book Club.

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'Til Death Do Us Part

Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to kill my wife? Seriously, I did. Okay, not on purpose. Really!

We were taking our car to the shop to have the transmission worked on. It seemed to be having trouble not engaging - particularly reverse. When we arrived at the shop, the mechanic wanted it parked in a certain spot and to do that we had to turn the car around. Should be no problem, right? I mean, we’d made it that far.

Unfortunately, the road was not wide enough to make a U-turn, so we had to back up - or, at least that was the idea. With the front end of the car nosed down on the side of the road, toward a fairly sizeable ditch, reverse went out completely. We both tried to push the vehicle back up to the road but couldn’t get it to budge. So, I got the bright idea that the transmission was just slipping a bit. I figured if I could get something to give it a little nudge, just to get it going, it might work enough to back up the two or three feet I needed.

That something, I decided, should be my wife. I would drive.

Not only did it not work but every time I took my foot off the brake, the car would roll a little farther down the ditch. Of course, I kept trying, edging the car farther and farther each time. And, edging my wife closer to the fence at the bottom of the ditch.

I didn’t realize there was a problem until it was too late; she was pinned with her leg caught between the car’s bumper and the fence. When I did finally realize what was happening, I put the car into neutral and got out, intending to help her push. This only added more pressure, insuring my wife was firmly trapped. She said later that the only thing she wondered at the time was how much more she could stand.

I’m not sure how, we’d both tried pushing together earlier to no avail, but somehow, I was able to push the car back up onto the road - by myself! Adrenalin I guess, after seeing the anguished look on her face.

In the years since, my wife has never let forget the incident, bringing it up from time to time - good-naturedly, of course. She wasn’t really upset with me over it. Or, so I thought.

The other day, she posted something on Facebook that now has me wondering. The post said how she was thankful to have a husband who works hard, who would do anything for her, makes her laugh, who is her best friend, etc. That was all great until I got to the part about her husband being the one she wanted to grow old with - IF SHE DIDN’T KILL HIM FIRST!

Hmm. Has she been holding a grudge all this time! Does she intend to pay me back someday? I’m not really sure. But if one day, out of the blue, she asks me to push her car - while she drives - I think I will decline.

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, and other titles, are available as ebooks on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. His books are also available in print at most online retailers or at www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com. The popular Wynn Garrett Series Books are now available on Barnes And Noble® at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/?series_id=867526 See Bruce’s Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders #MiscarriageOfJustice #BruceABorders

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, the saying goes. You do something nice for someone and inevitably, something will happen to make you wish you had just ignored them. Or, at the very least, make you wonder why you were so quick to help.

This is evident in the small things as well as bigger things in life. For instance: I’m sure everyone has, at some point, stopped to let a car out of a parking lot onto a busy road. Then, almost without fail, at the next light, they’ll go sailing right on through - as the light turns to red and there you’ll sit. That’s a small thing.

An example of something bigger would be the following scenario.

A neighbor lady shows up on your doorstep in the middle of the night, terrified and screaming that her husband is trying to kill her. You can hear the husband shouting and then you see him waving a gun around through the window of his house. The woman begs you to let her in and asks you to call the cops. Of course, you do. Good deed, right? Sure, except by the time the police arrive, she has decided she wants to go home. She tells the officers that none of what you told them on the phone is true and she has no idea what you are talking about. Now the cops are looking at you like you made it all up. (Yes, this actually happened to me). Another lesson in the maxim No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

The point is, if you help someone you may well end up being blamed for anything that goes wrong. I should know this by now and should have learned to just say no to doing good deeds. I don’t mean to give the impression that I’m some noble guy who goes out of his way to help people. I’m not. But human nature dictates certain responses and behavior. If someone is following close behind as you enter a store, you naturally hold the door for them, right? To let it slam in their face would just be rude. So, I have not learned to just say no.

Which is why a few minutes after pulling a large amount of paper towels out of a guy’s throat, and getting him breathing again, I found myself locked outside the car, on a deserted road, at night, with that same guy brandishing a knife, threatening to kill me. He said he had been trying to make a “statement,” and that I had interfered in his life. Uh, sure, if by interfering he meant prolonging it then I guess I’m guilty.

As you can obviously deduce, he did not kill me. And no, I didn’t kill him either. However, I did manage to get the knife away from him! And eventually, he calmed down - about the time the state police showed up on the scene. Although, not before telling the officer that I had “stolen” his knife. Really?

I did give the knife back - a few days later, very mindful of the fact that No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, and other titles, are available as ebooks on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. His books are also available in print at most online retailers or at www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com. The popular Wynn Garrett Series Books are now available on Barnes And Noble® at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/?series_id=867526 See Bruce’s Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders #MiscarriageOfJustice #BruceABorders

My Wife Doesn't Know Me

Wouldn’t you think a wife should recognize her husband? Even if they were newlyweds, I would think she would be familiar enough with him that seeing him walking down the street should ring a bell. But, I apparently would be wrong.

Shortly after my wife and I were married, we were visiting a small town in Wyoming. I’d gone into the store and my wife was outside with my mother. When I returned from a different direction than my wife was expecting, it took her a few seconds to realize who I was – although, she’d been looking at me the whole time. Of course, I gave her a hard time about checking out the cowboy she saw walking down the street. (Hopefully, she thought I was at least as good looking as her husband).

I did find it a little odd that she hadn’t recognized me. I guess I could chalk it up to the fact that we were in a strange town, or that I wasn’t where she’d thought I would be - or something. Maybe the three or four years she’d known me at that point wasn’t quite long enough to recognize me from a distance. Whatever the reason, I really didn’t think she was going senile – yet. Several years later though, I began to wonder.

I was driving down the freeway in my semi, when my wife and one of our daughters passed me - my daughter was driving and my wife was in the passenger seat. I’d seen the car coming in my mirror, and when they went by, I waved – and got a blank stare. She didn’t know me! I waved again – still no response. And it gets worse. Later, I learned my daughter had told her it was me they were passing and my wife had said she didn’t think so.

All right, to be fair, the sun had gone down, and it was getting a little dark. Still, I would think after twenty years or so of being married to me, the woman should recognize her own husband! I realized I have aged, but not that much.

But then, maybe I shouldn’t be too critical. Not long ago, I pulled into my driveway and wondered who that was trimming roses in the yard. She looked kind of familiar, I thought, but it was quite a long few seconds before I recognized her. Yeah, you guessed it. It was my wife.

Bruce A. Borders, author and songwriter, has over 500 songs and more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, his latest books, are available on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. For more information, visit www.bruceaborders.com. See Bruce’s Amazon Author Page at www.amazon.com/author/bruceaborders or view his Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders