Bruce A. Borders: April 2013

Monday, April 29, 2013

Going Barefoot

My apologies to those of you still enjoying winter - but where I live, we had our first 80-degree day this past week. Not a big deal to most people I’m sure, and while to me it’s nice, it’s not nearly as significant as it once would have been.

I’ll explain.

My dad had a rule when I was a kid - okay, he had more than one rule but I had a hard time remembering them all at once, so I learned to concentrate on just one at a time - such as now. This particular rule determined at what point my brother and I could go outside barefoot. As you may have guessed, we had to wait until the first 80-degree day of the year. Of course, we tried every conceivable argument to change his mind: it was 80 degrees somewhere in the world, or in the house, or we’d find ingenious methods of heating up the thermometer. Nothing ever worked. Come to find out, he listened to the weather report on the radio - or used the thermometer at the bank.

I used to wonder what it would take to get the DJ to say it was 81 or 82 degrees. But, figuring it was a lost cause, and since I had no money, I never tried. And the bank - that was an obvious impossibility. There was no way to get that big reader board to read something different than the actual temperature. Or so I thought.

We’d had a couple of weeks with temperatures in the upper 70’s - but not hitting that 80-degree mark. We had been bugging my dad, trying to persuade him to relax his rule, and weren’t getting anywhere. As he so plainly put it, 77, 78, or even 79 degrees, was not 80. Then Saturday came and the weather turned noticeably colder - our home thermometer read in the 50’s. Still, we were persistent in our quest and did convince him to drive downtown past the bank - after he gave us a look that said we just might be crazy.

And then... There it was; the bank - right in front of us with the current temperature prominently displayed in big gold numerals. 100 degrees! Yay!

Our excitement soon faded however, when we were told that despite what the bank’s thermometer said, it was not warm enough to go barefoot. We argued but to no avail. Dad still said no (something about the bank having problems, a broken thermometer, or something). By the time we arrived home it had started to rain, but I ignored that - I was still protesting. The thermometer had said it was 100 degrees and that, I said, is definitely over 80! Finally, much to my surprise, my dad agreed.

“Go ahead,” he said.

Really?”

“Yes.”

I couldn’t believe it but I wasn’t about to question anything my father told me (as long as it was something I wanted to hear, of course). In seconds I had my shoes off and was out the door. The first barefoot day of the summer! And -

I think I only spent less than a minute out there. Who knew wet grass at 50 degrees could be so cold? I decided I’d wait a little while longer to go barefoot - maybe until the temperature was say, around 80 degrees!

Bruce A. Borders, author and songwriter, has over 500 songs and more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, his latest books, are available on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. Now also available in print at many online retailers or at www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com. The popular Wynn Garrett Series Books are now available on Barnes And Noble® at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/?series_id=867526 See Bruce’s Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders #MiscarriageOfJustice

Sunday, April 21, 2013

That Was A Close One

Things are not always as they seem. For instance, I once knew a man who’d been convicted of murder. Multiple murders, they claimed. He was quite an interesting guy actually, artistic and intelligent, with a unique sense of humor. I wasn’t sure if he was guilty of the crimes or not, but everyone else seemed to think so. By the time I met him, he’d served his time, been released, and landed a job - same place I worked. We worked together, sometimes just the two of us, usually late into the night.

Everybody told me I was crazy for working alone with him, but I didn’t really see a problem. He seemed to be a nice enough guy. Although... He did have a habit, when giving other workers a directive, of saying, “Do it, or I’ll kill you!”

I think he said it just to see the look on their face. Everyone knew his story and his words served to intimidate them. They did what they were told without arguing or complaining. But me, I don’t respond well to intimidation. And, one night when he used the line, I said, “No, you won’t.”

He looked surprised at first and then asked, “What makes you so sure? There’s nobody else here. There’d be no witnesses.”

I said, “Everybody knows I’m here and that you’re here. If anything happened to me, you’d be the first and only suspect. You just got out of prison; I don’t think you want to go back. Besides, I haven’t done anything to make killing me necessary. There would be no point.”

He laughed. “You’re right.”

We continued working together for another year or so and got along great. He was nice as could be and never “threatened” to kill me again. Still, people thought I was a little nuts for staying at my job. But hey, you can’t really choose your co-workers. And the fact that I’m still here proves that I really had nothing to worry about.

Oh! I almost forgot. Things really aren’t always what they seem. A few years later, I heard the guy had gone back to prison - and for quite a long time. The reason? Killing someone.

Whew!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Show And Tell

Show And Tell. It used to be a big deal in school. Kids would bring in some totally trivial object: a pet turtle, a broken toy, or weird food, and then go on and on about it as if it were the most delightful thing in the entire world. Then the process would be repeated by the next kid sharing what they, or more likely, their parents believed would be fascinating to the rest of the class. While teachers seemed to always make a huge production out of it, I’d learned by this time that teachers were never really satisfied. Besides, the whole sharing thing never really appealed to me so, I usually didn’t participate - other than sit there while I was forced to listen to the drivel. Occasionally, however, the teacher would insist that everyone had to be involved and she made Show And Tell a requirement - and then graded us on our performance.

On one such occasion, of which I’d been given a full day’s notice but had conveniently forgotten about, I decided to get into the spirit of things. Although, I’d come to school unprepared, I thought fast, recalling an article I’d seen in the encyclopedia. I decided I’d use that. When my turn rolled around, I walked to the front of the room, grabbed the encyclopedia and opened it to the story, complete with pictures. I then launched into a recap of the article, which described the Apollo 11 mission to the moon, with Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, and its splashdown in the Pacific Ocean where Navy Seals met the capsule and assisted in getting the astronauts out safely. Near the end of the article was a small picture of the first Navy Seal to reach the Apollo after splashdown.

As I finished my story, the teacher, with a rather disapproving look, reminded the class that Show And Tell was supposed to be something personal. And then looking back to me she asked what the story in the encyclopedia had to do with me.

I said, “The guy in this picture is at my house.”

A few of the kids seemed to think that was cool but it was obvious the teacher did not. “If you don’t have anything for Show And Tell, you should just say so instead of making something up,” she lectured me.

“But it’s true,” I insisted.

It was no use. She didn’t believe me. And I got an F.

Thing is, it was true. The guy in the picture was indeed at my house at that very moment. The retired Navy Seal, who was by that time a preacher, had been the special speaker for several days at the church my dad pastored. The man’s name is John Wolfram, and he was the first Navy Seal to meet the Apollo on splashdown.

Rather than continuing to argue with my teacher, I went home and told my parents - and luckily for me, John Wolfram heard the story too. He was leaving early the next morning so he couldn’t accompany me to school but he had an idea that he thought would help.

The next day, I proudly carried another picture into class - a Polaroid of me and John Wolfram - in front of my house! Yes, I felt pretty smug about the whole thing. The entire class was impressed, including the teacher, and my grade was changed to an A. Everything was great - until the next day. My teacher decided that since I’d had such an interesting guest, it would make a perfect topic for a report - due the next week. See? Teachers are never satisfied!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Laundry In The Good Old Days

Every so often on Facebook, people post a picture of something from days gone by that says “Like” if you know what this is. Recently, I saw one of an old wringer type washer. Actually, it was not that old I guess, since it had an electrical cord attached. Somehow, an electric wringer washer just seems less authentic - at least to me.

Not only did I know what was in the picture, I’ve helped my grandmother do laundry on one of them - without a cord. Ah, those were the good old days! Back when every single article of clothing received its own special care and treatment - all the time and attention that each deserved. Of course, laundry took all day and it was an awful amount of work.

Doing laundry with a wringer washer actually required the presence of the one doing the laundry. Back then, there was no starting a load and running off to do something else. These days, when the clothes are put into the washer - a dial is turned and you can walk away and forget it. And then, when the load is done another three minutes of work is required to start the next load - after placing the clothes into the dryer, and pushing another button. That’s another aspect of laundry that is much easier these days - drying the clothes.

Oh, hey! I wonder how come whoever posted the picture of the wringer type washer, didn’t include a dryer from the same era? Maybe they just didn’t think it was important. Or, they might have worried the two wouldn’t have been a matching set. Or, perhaps they simply didn’t have a picture of such a dryer. But I do. I’ve posted it below. Maybe I’ll put it on Facebook, with a caption that reads, “Like” if you know what this is.

Monday, April 1, 2013

April Fools' Day

Happy April Fools’ Day!

The day, also known as All Fools’ Day, is not a real holiday - just in case anybody is trying to wrangle an extra paid day from their employer. April Fools’ Day is known for practical jokes and silly pranks, trying to get someone to believe something is true that is obviously not, or sending someone on a fool’s errand - searching for items, which do not exist. In some places, it’s a day for pointing out the idiocy or foolishness of certain folks or their behavior.

The origins of April Fools’ Day are not known but there are an abundance of theories, none of which seem to make any sense. That in itself is rather fitting in my opinion. I’ve read many accounts on how the day came into practice. Some seem logical, others are obviously pure fiction. Still others are downright ridiculous; stories so preposterous that only a fool would believe them. Fanciful bets with emperors and kings, a mistaken date of March 32, and spring weather fooling with people are just the beginning. Somehow these seem à propos to the day.

The generally accepted explanation is; that the celebration April Fools’ Day can be traced back to the 1500’s in France. Prior to 1582, the New Year was observed on April 1. The adoption of the Gregorian calendar moved the date to January 1. This ruined the weeklong New Year’s festival, which began on March 25 and ended April 1. Some people refused to go along with the change and were ridiculed by the rest of society for stubbornly clinging to tradition. Sounds good, except the theory doesn’t account for the fact that the day was already widely celebrated before the 1500’s in other parts of Europe and the rest of the world. For example, the ancient Romans had a festival called Hilaria, on March 25. The Persians also had a day of pranking, celebrated on April 1, dating back to 536 B.C . Other ancient societies, including the Jewish and the Greek cultures, had similiar celebrations all on or around April 1. So, to accept the traditional version of the origins of April Fools’ Day would be - well, foolish.

Since there are no definitive explanations for how the day came about, I think I’m free to join in the speculation. Could it be that throughout history there have always been those who were a little less than well-endowed with intelligence? Have people always done things that weren’t too smart? Apparently so. And not just a few. Enough of them that many cultures, dating back to the begining of their existence, set aside a day just for these people. And of course there have always been those who took the opportunity to identify those people - and by extension to prove they themselves were not part of that group.

My theory seems to make as much sense as any other, I believe. It’s reasonable and plausible. Now if I could just figure out whether or not to take offense when someone tells me Happy April Fools’ Day.