Patent Pending

I’ve never actually filed for a patent. There’s a good reason for that; I’ve never invented anything. Wait! That’s not quite true. But I don’t think combining two different steak sauces to make my own special blend really counts!

Still, the fact that I’ve never come up with anything deserving of a patent didn’t stop the U.S. Patent And Trademark Office from sending me a letter. A letter to inform me that my patent application had been received and recorded. My patent was now pending, it said. They even gave me a number. Great! I only wish I knew what it was for!

I found the whole thing a little more than odd. Don’t they require a patent attorney for such things? And wouldn’t they send all correspondence through the attorney? Maybe not, I guess, because after all, I did get the letter.

Perhaps they were just making everything ready in anticipation of some forthcoming invention—something I have yet to conceive or devise. Or not. That would require a remarkable level of efficiency. And I’ve never seen anything run by the government that’s even remotely efficient.

Obviously, they had the wrong Bruce Borders. They apparently got Bruce the inventor, mixed up with Bruce the truck driver/author/artist/songwriter/dental technician—among a few other things. But I didn’t feel any compulsory need to tell them that. Not my responsibility. How they got my name, I’ll never know. Even more baffling is how they came up with my address for this other “me.” I’ll never know that either.

This was quite a few years ago and no, I never contacted them or responded to the letter. I just threw it in the trash. I didn’t figure my effort would do any good and it wasn’t really my problem anyway. Besides, I didn’t want to encourage them in their incompetence. No doubt, I’d still be trying to convince them they had the wrong guy! (Yes, I’ve dealt with government agencies before and they all seem to operate under the same erroneous assumption—that they never make mistakes).

I never heard anything else and I suppose they eventually located the right Bruce Borders. But, who knows? I could still wind up making a fortune off “my” invention—whatever it is. I’ve heard these things take time. Maybe it’s still pending. ~

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, The Lana Denae Mysteries, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook at www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS and paperback on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Books-a-Million. Bruce A. Borders is a proud member of Rave Reviews Book Club.

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Oil Change

Isn’t it about time someone invents a car that never needs an oil change? Hasn’t technology progressed that far yet? Apparently not, because this past weekend found me finally listening to the repeated demands of my wife’s vehicle to change the oil. I remember when a guy actually had to keep track of that himself. Now, our cars tell us when it’s time.

Reluctantly, I set out to do the vehicle’s bidding. I got out the pan to catch the used oil, pulled the plug—and spilled a little, as usual—changed the filter and refilled the oil. Yes, I did put the plug back in place for anyone who may be wondering. Then, I cleaned up the mess.

This all took me just over 25 minutes. What happened? I used to be able to change the oil in under ten minutes! I’m sure it has nothing at all to do with my ever-growing age. Must be the cold weather. Winter. Because, despite what the calendar says, winter has definitely arrived. Old Man Winter is sort of an odd fellow, seems to do pretty much as he pleases and is not all that subservient to the calendar.

Okay, changing the oil isn’t a hard job, and usually not a problem—except when it occurs this time of year. Then, it’s not so great. Awful, actually. I’m thinking of instituting a new rule: the No Excessive Driving Rule, which shall remain in effect for the duration of the winter months. That way, I won’t be laying out in the driveway, freezing to death, just to change the oil. No, I haven’t unveiled my plans to my wife yet. But, I’m sure she’ll understand why she is no longer allowed to go anywhere.

Oh, wait! Just remembered my pickup will be due for an oil change in a week or so. Never mind. The rule is suspended. Instead, maybe I’ll go a different route; seize the moment and work on my inventing skills. I could start with an engine that never needs an oil change!

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook and paperback on iTunes, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords, or at www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com. Amazon Profile - http://www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS Bruce A. Borders also serves as the Vice President of Rave Reviews Book Club http://ravereviewsbynonniejules.wordpress.com

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Current Reads

A Personal Journey To The Heart Of Teaching

John Fioravanti

Through The Keyhole: True Stories Not For The Faint Of Heart

Liz Cowan

Our Lady Of Victory

Shirley Harris-Slaughter

SPOTLIGHT Author

G.A. Whitmore

A Place To Call Home: Toby’s Tale

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