Bruce A. Borders: February 2019

Monday, February 25, 2019

Back In School

You’re never too old to learn — as my grandson pointed out to me the other day. He was explaining to me that three times 20 is 60, to which I agreed. But my agreement was not enough, he wanted to make sure that I actually understood WHY it was so. Now, keep in mind this is coming from a five-year-old so the logic may be a little convoluted.

He said, “If you have twenty and you add another twenty that makes forty. But that’s not sixty because you only had two of them. If you add another twenty to the first twenty and the other twenty, that makes sixty because now you have three of them.”

I nodded and told him he was right.

But he wasn’t finished. “It’s like if you add one and one.”

Now I frowned. “Not quite the same.”

He kept talking as if he hadn’t heard. “If you keep doing that, you’ll get to sixty — eventually.” (That last word was added with a roll of the eyes and a bit of sarcasm).

I had to agree again. But I told him I wasn’t going to just add one number at a time all the way to sixty because that would take too long.

He looked at me as if I wasn’t quite all there. “That’s why you just add twenty three times.”

“Oh,” I said.

He seemed satisfied he’d successfully explained the math problem to me but then felt compelled to continue our “lessons.” He asked, “Do you know what half of one is?”

“Um, half?” I asked, playing along.

He looked surprised. “Yes, one half.”

I said, “So how many halves does it take to make two?”

“Grandpa, you just have to add halves until you get to two.”

“That’s true,” I said. “But how many would I have to add to get to two?”

Sighing, he said, “I think you’re going to have to study some more. But don’t worry, you’re never too old to learn.”

Well that’s good news, I thought. At least he has confidence in me. “So, you don’t think I’m too old to learn?”

He shook his head. “Remember? I just taught you how much three twenties are.”

Well, okay then. I guess it’s true; you’re never too old to learn! However, you may be too young to teach! ~

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, The Lana Denae Mysteries, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook at www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS and paperback on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Books-a-Million.

Monday, February 18, 2019

Love Asylum

As you may know, we recently had a holiday. No, I’m not talking about today, which is Presidents’ Day, I’m referring to Valentine’s Day.

My wife and I attended a Valentine’s Banquet on Saturday. Not particularly surprising, I know, since we’ve been married for almost thirty-two years. What is surprising to me, is that she still claims me and is willing to attend such events — or even be seen in public together at all. After being together this long, I’ve regrettably given her plenty of reason to not be so eager to do so.

So, there we were at the banquet, and of course, there were the typical games based on couple’s knowledge of each other. As usual, this leads to everyone talking about how long they’ve been together, or how well they know each other — or do not know each other, as the case may be. These games are certainly revealing, and quite often good for a few laughs.

But the whole time, I’m thinking that’s not really a good measuring device for love. Not that my wife and I don’t know each other very well, we do. We can predict with nearly 100% accuracy what the other one is thinking and how we’ll respond to questions or situations. Still, that doesn’t really provide any real indication of the level of love.

A better way of measuring love is how well do couples put up with each other’s quirks and annoyances, or objectionable behaviors. Obviously, a game designed around such questions wouldn’t be nearly as fun, might cause a little trouble, or in some cases, lead to a breakup. But that illustrates my point. This would be a more accurate measurement of love. Because love isn’t all roses and hearts. Love is something more. Something deeper. Something meaningful. Love is a commitment. A “no matter what” decision.

I’m just glad my wife’s commitment means that she’ll still go out in public with me. Because I can easily see how she might be intent on having me committed! ~

Monday, February 11, 2019

Should I, Or Shouldn't I?

Should I, Or Shouldn’t I?

Thought I had escaped the major effects of Old Man Winter this year. I know other places have experienced their share of the “glories” of the season, but where I live, it’s been one of the mildest winters on record. Unseasonably warm and far less snow than normal. It had me re-thinking my hostility toward my least favorite season. Until this past weekend.

We got dumped on!

It’s particularly hard to deal with a substantial amount of snowfall when the winter is so close to being over and when there’s been no bad weather thus far. On Saturday, I shoveled out the driveway and walks four times. (That’s about five too many by my count!) Every time I’d finish it was time to start again.

As I shoveled, I kept thinking how it was getting a little harder to do every year. Either I’m getting older or the snow is getting heavier. Either way, in a few short years, I’ll be unable to keep up. Especially if we have a bad winter instead of the half way mild one we’re currently living through. But I have a plan.

No, the plan does not involve moving south. While the warmer weather may be enticing, moving is not really an option — I like living here. It’s home. And I’m not going to let winter weather drive me out of my home. And even if I did, knowing my luck, winter would just tag along. So that’s definitely out. Besides, a move would be very expensive and the plan I have in mind will cost only a fraction of that.

Neither does the plan involve hiring someone to do the shoveling for me. I try not to hire anything done because it’s usually not done right and I end up having to fix it. And that’s kind of annoying. Besides, hiring someone would be very expensive, and the plan I have in mind is far cheaper.

I suppose one possibility would be just to do nothing and let the snow pile up. But that would lead to a plethora of other issues that I don’t need to deal with. Besides, being trapped at home all winter might not be good for the bank account, and the plan I have in mind is not that hard on the wallet.

So, I’ll just stick to my plan. And I thank you for your patience as I rationalized and justified the expense of purchasing a snow blower! ~

Monday, February 4, 2019

Eating Crow?

I learned something this past week—about sharing. I thought I knew what sharing was all about but apparently I was wrong.

My wife and I were sitting on a patio enjoying a bag of Peanut M&M’s—the “sharing size.” As the bag says, we were SHARING them.

After a few minutes outside, we went back in, leaving the bag of M&M’s outside. Soon afterwards, I heard a commotion outside; it sounded like it was right outside the door. I couldn’t determine what the noise was but it definitely was loud enough to warrant an investigation. Since we were several stories off the ground, there was no reason for any such noise.

Stepping out the door, I saw nothing amiss. Figuring I was just hearing things, I went back inside. A little later, when we ventured out onto the patio again, I heard my wife say, “Is that my M&M’s?”

“Where?”

“Down there by the crow.”

I looked down to the yard and sure enough, there was a crow, busy poking his beak into our bag of M&M’s! Now I understood what all the racket had been—a crow making off with our half-full bag of candy.

Rather than try to get the bag back, I went to the store and bought another. But this time, we guarded them better. Despite what was printed on the bag we just weren’t really into sharing, not with a bird anyway.

So, here’s what I learned: apparently crows like M&M’s. A lot. They like them enough to steal them. Just thought I’d share that with you. ~