Trashy Reputation

So, I had a shorter weekend than normal thanks to my job—specifically, the DOT, the Department of Transportation. They are the government agency tasked with harassing truck drivers. Apparently, they don’t take too kindly to a guy (me) driving a truck that’s 2,400 lbs. over weight. And they felt compelled to tell me all about it in lengthy detail.

This was not news to me. After nearly two decades on this job, I’ve heard it all before. And in fact, the scenario that ensued has happened before—right down to how it ends.

The officer was fairly new to the job, I guess because he didn’t seem to know much about the company I drive for. He seemed to think it was necessary to covey how abhorrent it was that I was hauling all that weight illegally and how harmful it was for the road. The highway just isn’t designed to handle that much weight, he claimed. (Never mind that all a guy has to do is purchase an extended weight permit and then it’s perfectly acceptable to drive the same truck down the same road). He also informed me that anything more than 2000 lbs. over weight had to be legalized before allowing the driver to proceed. It’s not discretionary.

That meant I’d be sitting there until someone could come and fix my load, which would be several hours. That wasn’t at all appealing to me; Friday night, the weekend coming up, and by the time the load was legalized, I would be out of hours. That meant an additional 10 hours before I could leave. All this because I was, “just simply hauling too much weight.”

I didn’t argue, not much point in that, although I may have mentioned something to the effect that I didn’t care.

I think the guy was prepared to continue the lecture when the other officer on duty came over to see what was going on. After having the first guy explain the situation, he gave the man a perplexed look. “Do you know what he’s hauling?” he asked. Then, he answered his own question. “Garbage. He’s hauling garbage. Issue a citation and let him go.”

I got the feeling they didn’t want me around for some reason! Apparently, they don’t think much of having a full semi load of raw garbage sitting around smelling up the place. And the thought of having someone come to dig out part of the load right there on their lot isn’t appealing either. I guess that rule that was not discretionary actually wasn’t all that ironclad after all.

Soon I was on my way—with a citation, of course. But the company takes care of those so all the little episode cost me was a little time—­about an hour. I think somebody owes me an extra weekend hour! Maybe I’ll go to work a little late today and call it even. ~

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, The Lana Denae Mysteries, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook at www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS and paperback on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Books-a-Million. Bruce A. Borders is a proud member of Rave Reviews Book Club.

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A Chilling Scene

Regular readers of this blog may remember a few past posts where I lamented the fact that my house is notoriously cold. Frigid, actually—and year ’round too. (My wife thinks the air conditioner was invented for those balmy December days).

Long ago, my kids and I learned to endure the icy temperatures and deal with the artic blasts that routinely blow through the so-called shelter we refer to as a house. Sometimes this is accomplished by wearing a coat or multiple layers of clothing and sometimes, get this, by turning up the heat! That only works until my wife realizes the climate has moderated to a more normal, and livable, level. Then, with the flip of a switch, she plunges us back into the ice age.

I may have exaggerated some of this (slightly) but one thing is certain, it is always cold at my house. Spring, summer, fall, and winter, it’s cold. Sometimes, I think I live in Siberia! Although... there are a few benefits to such conditions, for instance: we do not need to refrigerate our pop, and there’s never any rush to put away leftovers—it’s not like they’re going to spoil!

My children have all moved on to warmer surroundings, but now, there is a new generation feeling the effects of my wife’s strange aversion to anything resembling heat. My daughter was putting away her laundry the other day and started to put her son’s fleece pajamas in his drawer. “No,” he said. “Those are for Grandma’s house.”

Poor kid. I know exactly how he feels. But it is nice to see the survival instinct kicking in! ~

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, The Lana Denae Mysteries, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook at www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS and paperback on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Books-a-Million. Bruce A. Borders is a proud member of Rave Reviews Book Club.

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Seal Of Disapproval

I learned something last week; seals are rather vindictive creatures!

While at the coast last weekend, my wife and I, along with our daughter and grandson, visited an aquarium. One of the features of this aquarium is they allow visitors to feed the seals. The food they provide is authentic seal food—otherwise known as fish.

My grandson was okay with handling the fish (much to his mother’s dismay) but after touching a particularly slimy one, he decided it would be best to let grandpa do the feeding. And that’s how I came to be standing beside a pool of ocean-like salt water tossing fish to a group of seals.

As one can imagine, the seals have discovered that performing tricks tends to get them more fish and they are quite active in this regard. They clap, stand on their tail fin, swim sideways and wave—anything to get attention.

I appreciated their efforts and felt compelled to reward them but I also wanted to distribute the food fairly. I didn’t want any of them left out, they might feel bad! So, after “paying” the most outgoing ones, I began concentrating on the few timid ones in the back. But one of the more active and agile seals thought he’d show me how well he could jump—and catch. As I lobbed a fish to the rear of the pool, he shot out of the water, snatching the fish out of the air, nearly out of the mouth of the seal I’d thrown it to.

Since I like to talk to animals as if they are people, I started scolding the fish thief. I told him he wasn’t very nice and taking another seal’s food wasn’t being fair. “You already had yours,” I said. “You’re a seal, not a pig.” And then I added, “You really need to learn to share.”

With one fish remaining, I stepped a little closer to the tank and, telling Mr. Fish Bandit it wasn’t for him, after a fake throw to the side, I threw it directly to the seal in the back. He caught it and then clapped for me.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself (yes, for outsmarting a seal—but hey, I’ve heard they are one of the most intelligent creatures) when I saw the fin on the seal who felt he’d been slighted come out of the water. Saw it go back. And then I saw it start moving forward. I knew what was coming but not soon enough to move out of the way of the big spray of water that shot toward me. And soaked me! Apparently, he hadn’t appreciated my lecture, or the fact that I hadn’t given him the last fish. I don’t know if seals can actually smirk or not but I’m fairly sure this one was!

Of course, my grandson thought it all was hilarious, as did his mother, along with my wife and a few other visitors who had been watching. Amid the laughter, I heard a little boy tell his dad, “You can feed them, I don’t want to get splashed.”

As we were leaving, people were still smiling when they saw the water dripping off of me. Yeah, I’m glad that getting drenched by a spiteful seal helped make everyone’s day! On the bright side, I didn’t have to add any salt to my food when we went out to eat later! ~

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, The Lana Denae Mysteries, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook at www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS and paperback on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Books-a-Million. Bruce A. Borders is a proud member of Rave Reviews Book Club.

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To See The Sea

Well, in case anyone is wondering, the ocean is still there! This I know, I just went and checked. And there it was briny foam and all, just like it has been for thousands of years. Not that I had any doubts, but my grandson, who is turning three today, thought we needed to make sure.

His mother had planned a seaside visit for his birthday and after learning I would be going along, he said, “Yeah, you need to go. We need to make sure the ocean is still there.” When I asked where he thought it might be, he gave me an incredulous look and said matter-of-factly, “At the beach.” I’m sure he was thinking his grandpa needed more schooling.

October though, is not really the best time to visit the beach—at least in Oregon. Both days we were there, it was rainy, cold, and windy. Very windy—enough to blow the wet sand around. But none of that mattered to a little boy celebrating his birthday. For some reason, he seemed to be able to ignore the inclement weather better than the rest of us.

Actually, even for the adults it wasn’t all that bad. We chose a lot of indoor activities but we did manage to make it down to the beach too, right down to where the water was coming up to greet us, washing up crabs, sand dollars, and other creatures.

We spent some time exploring and then playing in the sand: building a sand castle, making things, and just digging. Oh yeah, and throwing sand into the air. Okay, only my grandson threw the sand, I just happened to be the one who was the recipient of his antics, thanks to gravity. Good thing I wear a hat, I guess!

Watching him was quite entertaining and made for an enjoyable trip—despite the weather. Somewhere, amid all the fun my grandson looks at me and says, “I told you this is where the ocean is.”

Yeah, like I’m the one who was wondering! ~

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, The Lana Denae Mysteries, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook at www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS and paperback on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Books-a-Million. Bruce A. Borders is a proud member of Rave Reviews Book Club.

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Hounded By The Vet

I was informed by my dogs’ veterinarian this week that I was not authorized to make medical decisions regarding my dogs. This is the same vet my wife and I have taken our dogs to for the past 8 or 9 years. And I have made many medical decisions for the dogs during that time. None of his seemed to matter; my name was not listed as an authorized person.

It’s funny though, they had no problem taking money from me. Apparently, I am authorized to pay. And I’m sure they would not have any qualms about starting collections proceedings against me if I failed to pay either.

Since I rarely refrain from saying what I’m thinking, I mentioned this to the lady. She said that since I was listed as the owner of the dogs, I was responsible for any payments that may be due.

My voice was heavily steeped in cynical sarcasm as I answered. “So you have me listed as the owner, but I can’t make any decisions for them? You realize how stupid that sounds, right? What is this, Obamacare for dogs?”

Instead of responding to my somewhat rhetorical questions, the lady just said I needed to have my wife call and okay adding my name as an authorized party. Which I did. But I was still incredulous and a little annoyed by the whole thing. I’m pretty sure the lady could tell too. Trying to mollify me she said, “The policy is really for your and your dogs’ protection. You don’t want just anybody making medical decisions for your dogs.”

“Right,” I said. “First, I’m not just anybody. As you have already said, you know I’m the owner of the dog. And second, “Is this really a problem? Do complete strangers routinely bring my dogs in for veterinarian care? Or anybody’s dogs for that matter?”

The lady admitted she didn’t know of anything like that actually happening. “But it could and that’s what we’re trying to prevent.”

“And you’ve done a remarkable job of it too,” I said, hoping their level of medical knowledge exceeded that of their common sense.

The good news is, my wife did call them and I’m now a certified, authorized, and responsible party! Yes, I’m allowed to request my dogs’ nails get clipped! And anything else, I suppose. So my dogs are safe! Except for one thing: even after all of that, they never asked for my ID. So, apparently all anyone has to do is SAY they are Bruce A. Borders and everything is okay. In light of that, if anyone wants to take my dogs to the vet for a checkup, feel free. It would save me a LOT of hassle! ~

Bruce A. Borders is the author of more than a dozen books, including: Inside Room 913, Over My Dead Body, The Journey, Miscarriage Of Justice, The Lana Denae Mysteries, and The Wynn Garrett Series. Available in ebook at www.amazon.com/Bruce-A.-Borders/e/B006SOLWQS and paperback on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Books-a-Million. Bruce A. Borders is a proud member of Rave Reviews Book Club.

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