Happy New Year

It’s that time of year again, when everybody makes their predictions for the coming year. Everything from sane and rational expectations to outlandish foretellings and dire warnings of things that will never come true. For instance, I read the other day that 2013 will be the year aliens land on the Earth and we will discover life on Mars. Yeah, right!

The good news is, I won’t look too peculiar making a few predictions of my own. Keep in mind that I do not have a crystal ball and wouldn’t know what to do with one if I did. Okay, here goes.

I predict 2013 will have 365 days (Approximately - the time discrepancy which necessitates the occurrence of leap year not withstanding).

I also predict the weather across the country will be generally cooler at the beginning of the year, followed by a warming trend throughout the summer months - even downright hot in some areas. Then, with fall, temperatures will moderate, eventually turning colder toward the end of the year. And then I predict some moron will blame the variation in weather on global climate change.

I further predict 2013 will see politicians spending more money they don’t have, blaming each other and then trying to figure out ways to have the rest of us pay for their stupidity and insatiable desire to spend.

And I predict that when 2013 is over, 2014 will be ushered in - like clockwork.

Hey, this predicting thing seems pretty easy! I could go on, but I’m fairly sure nobody wants me to. So, I’ll end this blog with one final prediction; next year, about this time, there’ll be a whole lot more of the crazies coming out with their predictions - not at all dissuaded by the fact that none of their previous “enlightened” prophetic statements came about. Except me - I think I have a pretty good shot at all of mine coming true!

Happy New Year!

Bruce A. Borders, author and songwriter, has over 500 songs and more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, his latest books, are available on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. Now also available in print at many online retailers or at www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com.

See Bruce’s Amazon Author Page at www.amazon.com/author/bruceaborders or view his Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders

Christmas

 I’ve never been a big fan of Christmas. Sure, when I was a kid I loved to get presents, eat tons of candy, and get a week or two off from school, but also associated with Christmas was winter; cold temperatures and snow. Even as a kid I didn’t like snow. As I got older, I discovered another reason I didn’t care for Christmas - the money it cost. To get everyone something that is actually nice takes an enormous amount of money. Despite what my kids may think, I’ve never been made of money, so Christmas always left me with a feeling that I wished I could do more.

Yet, as I look back over my forty-five Christmases to date, it seems the ones when we had the least amount of money turned out to be the most memorable. What sticks out in my mind are the other things, family coming to visit, Christmas plays and programs, time of doing things with other people, and even though I detest snow, sledding, skiing, and building snowmen. Apparently, money isn’t as big an issue as it seems to be at the time.

So, maybe I need to take a new approach to Christmas. Enjoy the holiday, enjoy the food, and enjoy watching my grandkids as they excitedly open their gifts. And with my two days off from work, I can relax inside where its warm, not have to bother with driving on bad roads, chaining up - and then unchaining my truck. Hey, a few more days like that and I may just become a fan of Christmas after all!

Merry Christmas!

Bruce A. Borders, author and songwriter, has over 500 songs and more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, his latest books, are available on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. Now also available in print at many online retailers or at www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com. See Bruce’s Amazon Author Page at www.amazon.com/author/bruceaborders or view his Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders

The Climber

When I was a kid, someone left a pair of power pole climbers in our garage- metal spikes that fit around your boot and dig into the wooden pole as you step. Ever the adventurous type, of course, I had to try them out. I strapped them on as best I could - my feet were not nearly big enough for them to fit properly - and set out for the pole at the back of our house. Not having a belt, and not knowing a belt was supposed to be used, I struggled to get the hang of climbing the pole. Eventually, I managed to get about halfway up the thirty-five foot pole before my arms gave out and I quickly descended.

I practiced quite a lot, and in a few days I got to where I could make it to the bottom of the cross arm. I didn’t want anything to do with the high voltage power lines and didn’t try to go any further. I still had no clue I was supposed to be using more equipment, and I thought the guys who did this climbing thing for a living must be really strong. I decided I needed more practice.

Since I wasn’t actually doing anything, climbing the pole every day was rather pointless, but it was fun - that is until the guy from the power company saw me. He nearly wrecked his truck in an effort to get me to come down. Then, he threatened to take away my climbers and said he’d call the police the next time he caught me. Apparently, he thought I was either going to fall or get electrocuted. After that, I only climbed on the weekends or later in the day when the power company guys were not working. But, as is usually the case with kids’ short attention spans, I soon forgot about climbing power poles.

And then, years later, my son decided he’d like to climb power poles. Except he approached the idea with a little more thought and planning - he went to school to learn how. For the past several months, he’s attended Northwest Lineman College.

This past week, we attended his graduation. But before the ceremony, the soon to be graduates put on a show for all of us, a lineman rodeo. And at last, I got to see the right way to climb a pole. They made it look easy! And, having the proper equipment, it probably is a lot easier than the way I tried it. I’ll probably never know. Although my son would probably give me pointers and show me how, and maybe even lend me his climbers, I think I’m too old and out of shape to even attempt such a thing.

So instead, I just bought a tee-shirt. Hey, it says I’m a climber, and no one will ever know I’m really not - aside from those who read this blog. Unfortunately, that number could be a lot since I just posted it on the Internet.

Bruce A. Borders, author and songwriter, has over 500 songs and more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, his latest books, are available on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. For more information, visit www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com. See Bruce’s Amazon Author Page at www.amazon.com/author/bruceaborders or view his Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders

Old Adages Can Be Wrong

I’ve always had a hard time accepting the so-called wisdom of adages, those short little sayings that are supposed to hold great pieces of good advice. To my way of thinking, adages are only there to see if I can prove them wrong. A few examples:

A watched pot never boils. Not true. I’ve tested the theory myself. Back when I first heard this one, I knew it couldn’t be true. The laws of physics don’t have an exclusion clause written into them that says I actually have to watch or they won’t work. Yet, for some reason, I had to prove it – if only to myself.

Being too little to reach the stove – or the sink – I scooted a dining room chair into the kitchen to make myself taller. After retrieving a pot, I filled it partway with water, set it on the stove, and turned on the burner. Then I stood by on my chair – watching. Sure enough, a few minutes later, the water was boiling rapidly. So much for the old adage.

A stitch in time saves nine. Really? How can anyone ever be sure? A stitch in time may save an unknown amount of stitches later but can we really put a definite number on it? And it may not save any at all. What if the stitch is done in a hurry? Ten or more may then be required to fix things. In that case, a stitch in time saved absolutely nothing.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Not if you have a shotgun in the other hand. I’d say a shotgun in the hand is worth an awful lot of birds in the bush – or the hand for that matter.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Okay, in the first place, no one I’ve ever heard of wanted to catch flies. What most people want to do is get rid of the flies – kill them. And a flyswatter does a much better job of that than either vinegar or honey.

Never judge a book by its cover. There is a billion dollar industry that constantly disproves this. Everyone’s heard the saying and still, everybody does it.

There are many more I could use to illustrate my point but I think you get the picture. The fact is I like to argue, to challenge conventional wisdom. I don’t feel complete unless I question things. Perhaps being obstinate is just in my blood.

However, my argumentative nature does have its drawback now and then. Back to my little test, where I left off with me standing on the chair. After the water came to a rolling boil, I was satisfied; too busy enjoying my moment to pay attention to anything else. I jumped down, leaving the chair where it sat and leaving the pot of water on the stove. And being a kid, I didn’t turn off the burner either. You can guess what happened next – and yes, I did get into a little trouble. But it was worth it. It all led me to come up with a little saying of my own – an adage, I guess. “An unwatched pot will boil over.”

Bruce A. Borders, author and songwriter, has over 500 songs and more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, his latest books, are available on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. For more information, visit www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com. See Bruce’s Amazon Author Page at www.amazon.com/author/bruceaborders or view his Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders

Toast For Sale

I’ve never been much of a salesman. Probably because I don’t want to bother people anymore than I want to be bothered myself. I just figure no one needs me to tell them what they want to buy. But that wasn’t always the case.

When I was about six years old, I used to come home from school every day and make myself a couple of pieces of toast. I’d spread the toast with lots of margarine (not butter, I happen to think margarine tastes better) and top it off with a thick layer of my Mother’s homemade strawberry jam. Then, I’d go stand on our front porch and try to sell the toast (as I was eating it) to passing motorists. I’d yell at the top of my lungs, “Toast for sale! Toast with strawberry jam – just twenty-five cents a slice!”

We lived on a busy street and in the few minutes it took me to consume my two slices of toast, I offered my sales pitch numerous times – enough to make myself a little hoarse on occasion. But I had to yell loud otherwise people inside their cars wouldn’t have been able to hear me. Every once in a while, I’d get lucky and catch someone walking by and I could say my spiel in an almost normal voice.

I did this for quite a while. We lived in that house for about three years, and most days I was outside at some point trying to sell my toast. That’s a lot of sales pitches. Yet, in all that time, I never sold a single slice of toast. Amazing, I know. Imagine – no one wanting to buy homemade toast from a six-year-old, grimy kid. The only thing I managed to do was get an awful lot of strange looks from people. A few of them even yelled back, but I could never hear what they had to say – maybe because I was still loudly blabbing away myself.

Eventually, I gave up on the idea of selling toast. As it turns out, homemade toast is not really a big seller. Although…

Years later, I tried to convince my kids one day, that they had to pay me for the toast they’d made. “Twenty-five cents a slice,” I said.

It didn’t work. Guess I’m still not much of a salesman.

Bruce A. Borders, author and songwriter, has over 500 songs and more than a dozen books. Over My Dead Body, The Journey, and Miscarriage Of Justice, his latest books, are available on Apple I-Pad®, Amazon Kindle®, Barnes & Noble Nook® and Sony Reader®, Kobo, Diesel Books, and Smashwords. For more information, visit www.bruceabordersbooks.weebly.com. See Bruce’s Amazon Author Page at www.amazon.com/author/bruceaborders or view his Smashwords Profile at www.smashwords.com/profile/view/BruceABorders